Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Everything's Peachy

Things have been stressful lately. I just keep reminding myself that my boyfriend and I are going to Maine in less than three weeks. I'm pretty sure lobster is a sedative.

Last weekend we went upstate for a wedding. We were so excited to get out of the city that on Sunday we went apple picking and picked 22lbs of apples. We also went to a farm stand and bought two bags of peaches. What does one do with 30lbs of produce? I tried making a peach cobbler last night because I figured it would be easier than a pie. It was, but I still screwed it up and it mostly tastes like sugar. Maybe when everything starts to rot I'll just start throwing them at people.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Back to Something

Fall is my favorite season. Partly because my birthday is in October and partly because it means summer is over and I won't have to feel disgusting all the time.

Other things to like about fall:

Pumpkin flavored things
Cheaper electric bills
Vacation in Maine
That back-to-school feeling I still get that makes me think I can entirely reinvent myself if I find enough money to buy a new pair of boots.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

You know

how sometimes you get bored on the second day you're trapped inside because of a hurricane and you let your boyfriend draw on you with a Sharpie where no one will see? Then a few days later it still hasn't come off and you remember you do burlesque? Yeah . . .

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Last night I was bored and not sleeping despite having taken a sleeping pill when I decided to do what anyone else in that state would do, try to find myself on the internet. This led to me finally watching the episode of The A List that one of my Paperdolls shows from a few months ago was featured on.

"What is the A List?" you might ask, along with everyone else I've told about this. It's a show on LOGO modeled after The Real Housewives franchise that follows the exciting lives of a bunch of young gay men living in New York. I'm reserving judgment because I only watched the 10 minute segment that includes people I know, but you can find the episode here and read the recap here, in case you're anything like me and find it necessary to read the recap of a show while you're watching it. Our segment starts around the 30 minute mark and highlights include someone saying "Baton, bitch!" when Kiki gets on the stage, and being able to see me in the background at some point. My personal highlight that was not featured in the final cut was when Derek started talking to me backstage and when it quickly got awkward, stared at me blankly and said "I have to get a Diet Coke."

Monday, August 29, 2011

Weekend Recap

This is apparently what happens when I am trapped inside for 48 hours. It's not pretty.

Friday: Freaked out because there was a hurricane coming and my boyfriend was supposed to be working in Manhattan all weekend. Found out they gave him Sat. and Sun. off. Celebrated by going to a friend's goodbye party and drinking too much.

Saturday Morning: Stocked up on storm supplies. Realized I'm an asshole because I consider chocolate covered pretzels and wine to be storm supplies.

Saturday Afternoon: Watched storm coverage. Developed thesis that most news programs are dumber than reality shows. Witnessed many things to support this. Took nap.

Saturday Night: Waited for storm then got bored when I realized it wouldn't be showing up for a while. Drank wine. Fell asleep.

Sunday Morning: Boyfriend and I went out to survey the damage in my neighborhood. Confirmed suspicion that there was none. Realized I'm an asshole again when I was a little disappointed that the whole thing hadn't been more dramatic. Got coffee at a bagel shop because stores on my block had already started reopening.

Sunday Afternoon: Watched an entire season of It's Always Sunny. Attempted to go to the movies, but gave up when we realized everyone else in the neighborhood had the same idea resulting in a line around the block. Drank wine.

Sunday Night: Leigh texted to see if I wanted to get a drink. Told her to come over as, despite having already consumed lots of wine, we still had lots of wine. Drank wine. Noticed I was exhausted from doing nothing for two days. Went to bed.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Sometimes I Fall Behind On Things

I am currently reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. No, I didn't read it in sixth grade like everyone else. I grew up in Virginia which apparently means in a cow pasture where they forget to teach students most of the classics and just make them read Frankenstein a million times.

On the one hand reading a book like this years after everyone else is fun because I can appreciate it in a way I probably couldn't when I was younger. On the other hand, I'm shocked by plot developments that other people have known for 15 years. I read Of Mice and Men for the first time in college and my dad couldn't understand why I freaked out when I finished it. Doesn't everyone know how it ends?
Once I finish To Kill a Mockingbird I can start knocking off other things I never got around to when I was twelve. Next stop, riding a bike. Maybe . . .

Monday, August 22, 2011

I Dare You

to look at this poster and not come to my show on Thursday.

Wild Times

Saturday was awesome and exhausting. To make up for it I went to brunch yesterday, had 3 bellinis, took a two hour nap, woke up to eat a burger, and went to bed at 9.

To everyone's (no one's) disappointment, I was too much of a mess getting out the door Saturday to dress like a mythical creature. I did however manage to wear a sparkly headband and apply Sally Hanson's Salon Effects leopard print nail stickers.

My boyfriend's reaction upon seeing them:

BF: They're cool, but you know they're kind of weird right?
Me: Blank stare.
BF: I mean, they're like ironically cool. They're ridiculous but in an awesome way.
Me: Blank stare.
BF: You know, they're actually just cool. They're just really cool.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Magical Reading

Tomorrow I'm giving a reading on Governor's Island. It seems that everyone in New York failed to inform me that Governor's Island is a thing now. It has parks, concerts, and houses that organizations like the Poetry Brothel and the Poetry Society can rent to host readings in. Basically it is paradise and in order to fit in in such a magical place the Poetry Brothel is asking everyone who comes to dress up like a mythical creature (This could also be to celebrate the release of their anthology of re-told myths published with Patasola Press. Whatever.)

The good thing about this theme is that I have plenty of mythical creature costumes because of burlesque. The bad thing is they're probably all inappropriate to run around in anywhere families are likely to be present.

Here is the listing in TONY.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I Am Bad At Some Things

Evidence that I cannot feed myself: Yesterday at lunch I went to the grocery store and stocked up on microwave Indian food because I thought it would be a good alternative to the frozen Amy's things I can no longer even think about without getting nauseous. I was wrong. Looking back I don't know why I saw the $3.29 price and 90 second cook time as a warning sign instead of an endorsement. I ate half of it because I was starving. I didn't have time to get anything for breakfast that morning and had instead eaten a handful of organic cheese curls at 11.

I was going to make fish for dinner but my boyfriend had brought it over on Saturday and I wasn't sure if it was still good. I called my dad to ask him. He didn't call me back until after I had cooked it, and he told me it was probably bad. I threw it out and at a bag of prepackaged Cesar salad and an ear of corn. Considering that half my diet seems to consist of preservatives I'm pretty sure I'm going to live until 100.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

InDigest #21

I have a poem in the new issue of InDigest. I sent it to my friend Matt and he said it proves his theory that TV is an excellent and inexhaustible source of creative material. I believe Leigh Stein would agree with that.

I have been on a non-fiction binge lately which is very weird for me. Most years I read two or three non-fiction books tops, yet somehow I have just gone through four in a row. Last night I decided I was going through novel withdrawal and the only way to fix it would be to read the biggest, Britishist classic I could think of. I got through two pages of Middlemarch before deciding it was too much for me to handle right now and picking up Random Family. I haven't started it yet, but this morning I turned it over and found this blurb from the LA Times, "A nonfiction Middlemarch of the underclass . . . A new benchmark in the field of immersion journalism."

!!! I still can't decide if this means I do or do not have to read Middlemarch.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Roll 'Em Easy

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person under 50 who is psyched that Linda Ronstadt is writing a memoir.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Signs That I Am Losing My Mind

1) This morning I almost took my boyfriend's keys to work with me. He realized I had them right before I got on the subway. He met me on the street so I wouldn't have to go all the way back to my apartment, but I was still very late to work. This has happened four times. His "keys to everything in his life" look very much like my work keys. It just occurred to me that I should buy a key chain.

2) I am currently reading The Liar's Club by Mary Karr. It is about growing up in the backwoods of Texas, and while it is excellent some of the details are a little um, gross. Like when she mentions doing surgery on a friend's seed wart and picking out all of the "seeds" with a straight pin. Although I didn't know what a seed wart was, just reading this made me nauseous. I did what any sensible person with a low ick threshold would do and Google imaged it. That turned out as well as you would expect.

3) On my way home yesterday I passed a sandwich board in front of a vet's office advertising a free baby bunny complete with cage and water bottle. I did not go in.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

New things!

After a very long break I'm going to take another stab at this whole maintaining my blog on a regular basis thing. So far I've been terrible at it so we'll see what happens.

If it gives you any indication of what my summer has been like, one of the most exciting things that's happened in my absence is my discovery that Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is one of the most amazing movies ever and I want all of my clothes to look like Jane Russell's and Marilyn Monroe's. I could totally pull off that headscarf without looking like a Civil War widow, right?

I'm also taking a step back from performing this summer just because it was starting to get overwhelming. I'm still doing shows here and there, but I also have a couple readings next month so I'm trying not to overdo it.

Speaking of which, you should come!

The first is for InDigest 21

Issue #21 will be released on August 1st and you can bet on seeing each of these readers in the new issue. Right now the reading will feature readings from Sarah Bridgins, Noah F. Grossman, Monica McClure, Dana Rossi, and Wendy Xu. This will be taking place on August 17th at 7pm at The Gallery at LPR in New York.

The second is with The Poetry Brothel, Playground and La Patasola Press and will combine two of my favorite things, poetry and playing dress-up.

Patasola's Playground
Saturday, August 20th
Governors Island, Building 410A*

This time The Poetry Society of New York, Patasola Press and Playground Literary Journal are teaming up on an event of mythical proportions. Chimerical beasts will read you poetry and folklore. Dress like your favorite mythical creature.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Multi Tasking

My alter ego and I just got booked at the last minute to read/perform at Derangement of the Senses. I will be reading bitter break up poems and then performing a happy break up act. If you're not doing anything tonight, why not come out and have your senses deranged? Or you know, listen to poetry and look at boobs.

Also reading and/or performing are:

Jeanne Thorton, Adam Parrish, Pearl Price, Kevin Carter, and Jeremy Grunthamer

Friday, April 8, 2011

La Patasola Anthology

I found out this week that I am going to have two poems included in the East Coast edition of the first La Patasola Female Writers Anthology. One of them is them is my Natural Wonder poem and the other is one I haven't published yet. I am super excited about this thankful to Lisa Marie Basile, the wonderful and talented founder of Patasola Press, for including me. In addition to starting her own press this year Lisa is also the Editor-in-Chief of Caper Literary Journal, and a member of the Poetry Brothel. I'm not sure how she finds the time to do so many awesome things, but I'm grateful that we now have another press to showcase the work of emerging writers.

Also, did you know that Leigh Stein is writing a series of poems using dialogue from one of the greatest shows ever made? Well now you do, and you should read them immediately.

Also pt. 2, I just started reading Tina Fey's book yesterday and it is predictably great. So great that I have decided to set aside the other book I was reading about mass incarceration as a form of social control until I finish it. This is good for everyone in my life as I was getting to the point that I always do when reading books on social justice where I get so angry/frustrated about the issue at hand that I decide it's a good idea to read passages aloud to anyone who will indulge me. Instead of depressing statistics Bossypants is filled with hilarious puns, e.g.:

"Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted."

There are probably people out there who would prefer hearing about how awful the prison industrial complex is to being told jokes like that, but those people are not, and never will be, my friends.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Express Myself

The next show I'm doing with Paper Dolls is officially going to be Madonna themed. Help! I think it's going to be unbelievably fun, but I can't decide what I want to do. The Madonna songs I loved growing up were always the most depressing ones, think "This Used to be My Playground," and "You Must Love Me." While these were awesome songs to write in my journal/cry to, they're probably not that awesome for taking my clothes off in front of a room full of people. Suggestions? If I don't get any good ones I'm going to be forced to go with either my boyfriend's suggestion of "Like a Surgeon" by Weird Al or the David Hasselhoff cover of "La Isla Bonita" that I just discovered exists.

Friday, April 1, 2011

New Story in New Journal

I have five seconds to update this because I should be you know, working, but I have a story out in the first issue of Playground Literary Journal that I'm very excited about. The design is amazing and I'm in the company of so many other awesome writers including fellow burlesquer/poet/publishing person Lisa Marie Basile.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

More Shows!

I'm super excited that Boots has just been added to the lineup to Friday's Derangement of the Senses. Poetry! Fiction! A reasonable start time so I can go to bed early after being exhausted from doing a show on the Upper West Side at midnight tonight! This show seriously has everything.

The show also features performances/readings by Kevin Carter, Lisa Marie Basile, Arianne Benford, and John Fowora, all of whom I know for a fact to be awesomely talented.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Um . . .

I just received a text message that said, "Did u fill my pocket with lube?" followed by another one that said, "Wrong number!"

My Friday night plans involve staying home and learning how to poach eggs because I have to get up at 6am to go to a distant relative's funeral in Wilmington, Delaware tomorrow. That said, I am ready for the weekend.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March Shows

I have three shows coming up in March. Two of them are with Paper Dolls which is an amazing vaudeville troupe that I'm really lucky to be a part of. Snake charmers! Baton twirlers! Male strippers! This show seriously has everything.

The one on the 16th is a ton of fun, but it's late, on a weeknight, AND in Harlem, so I don't really expect anyone to come unless you're shooting for a prize for being the awesomest friend ever. The prize being a chance to see my mostly exposed boobs an extra time this month.

3/10, 9:30 ($15 cover)- Paper Dolls @ The Chelsea Room, 222 W. 23rd St.
3/16, 11:30 - Venus Envy @Suite, 992 Amsterdam Ave.
3/29, 9:30 ($10 cover) - Paper Dolls @ Sway Lounge, 305 Spring St.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Paperdolls Show Tonight

Tonight I have a show at Sway Lounge. I guess if the point of this blog is to advertise the things I have coming up I should probably post about them before the day of. Oh well. In the unlikely event that you are not Boots' facebook friend or part of the mass email I sent out a couple of weeks ago and therefore don't already know about this, you should come out! This is the third month in a row I've done this show, and it's always really fun.

In other news, the website that I use to check my horoscope is down. I have no idea what this means, but it's clearly something significant.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Pear Noir!

I have a story in the new issue of Pear Noir! that features an affair, a homeless man, and someone using "meatball" as a term of endearment. If that's not enough incentive to track down a copy, the issue itself features lots of awesome writers:

Caren Beilin, Rosebud Ben-Oni, B.J. Best, Crispin Best, Sean Burke, Jordan Castro, Kevin Catalano, Kim Chinquee, Heather Cox, Laura E. Davis, Stephanie Dickinson, Jacqueline Doyle, Corey Eastwood, Gabe Durham, Elizabeth Gonzalez, Sheila Heti, Katie Inlander, Peter Kispert, Peter Tieryas Liu, Steve McGouldrick, Jen Michalski, Kevin Moffett, M.V. Montgomery, Dolan Morgan, Jon Mueller, Matt Siegel, Zack Strait, J. Erin Sweeney, Abigail Templeton-Greene, Richard Thomas, and Jasmine Dreame Wagner. Many thanks to the good Daniel Casebeer

It's already out of print, but there are a limited number of signed copies available here.

Friday, January 28, 2011

It's Going to be 74 Degrees in Austin

Going to Austin today to visit friends, and meet up with the ridiculously talented Mary Miller. If you haven't read her short story collection BIG WORLD you need to take care of that immediately. Her stories remind me of Mary Gaitskill's before she decided it was a good idea to turn everything into a feminist allegory. They do an amazing job of playing with that fine line that divides the hilarious from the horribly sad. I mentioned this line to someone the other day and he didn't understand what I was talking about. Hasn't he ever watched videos of cats falling off of things?

Things I plan to do in Austin:

- Eat things from food trucks.
- Drink margaritas.
- Not look at snow.
- Try to talk myself out of buying a pair of cowboy boots and fail.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

New Blog!

I'm not going to write an essay about why I decided to start a new blog. Those are boring and no one cares. I'm just going to say that my old blog was all over the place, and I wanted a new space that was more focused on the stuff I'm working on creatively, i.e. writing and burlesque. The five of you who liked the old blog, do not despair! I'm sure there will still be the occasional post about my cat or how I've managed to horribly injure myself just by walking.

Today I have a poem posted on Lily Ladewig and Anne Cecelia Holmes blog I Am A Natural Wonder. It was started in conjunction with the release of their awesome and amazing chapbook I Am A Natural Wonder which is being published by Blue Hour Press. I'm so happy to be a part of such a great project.